The Trials of a Young Activist; or, “Save Darfur? I Don’t Know Who Darfur Is.”

People talk a lot about celebrity gossip. I’ve never had much of a taste for the gossip blogs, magazines, or the E! channel. I just have no interest in the personal lives of people I’ll never meet. Plus, I feel that most of the stuff in those sources is just hearsay, and at [...]

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Dan Grows Less and Less Fond of This Town By The Day; or, Pulling Out Works Just Fine, Thank You

Children: I am home. I returned on Thursday, as planned. The flight was nice, fair skies and smooth landings abounding. I assure you I rode in the lap of luxury, thanks to the generosity of Bevis’ parents. I would worry about future legal trouble, but I purchased the tickets online from a library computer, and [...]

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Homeward Ho; or, In Which Dan Friesen and Paramonga Accept Each Other, one as Master, the Other as a Teetotaling Pussy

I’ve never been so insulted and hurt in my life. Last week, my Forum editor, Jacob Stokes, affixed a note to my column claiming that my tales of travel and misadventure are fictional, and that I am in fact still on campus.
He claimed that my stories were merely a part of a joke about the [...]

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Fuck You MTV, You’re Not My Real Dad; or, Dan Wants To Fuck You In The Ear

Mtv Hits has made me revert into the fifteen year old I never was. Pop music has never been an interest of mine. While my contemporaries were listening to *Nsync and The Red Hot Chili Peppers, I was devotedly studying the entire catalogue of No Limit Records.
I rolled with C-Murder and Master P, [...]

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A show with everything but Yul Brynner, or, The tough guys crumble

Seriously. You know nothing of life. I thought I had seen some shit. Yeah, I took a dump on my friend Ben’s car. Yeah, I used to daily smoke joints with a one-armed Vietnam vet who lived next door to me. Yeah, I got high with a guy who killed a man (self-defense).
Until this week, [...]

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