In Which Dan Friesen Wrote Two Columns and Printed None; or, I’m Going to Piss in Jacob Stokes’ Mouth

I owe you all an apology. I’m sorry for letting the editors of the Maneater reprint an old column of mine in this Tuesday’s issue.
The column I turned in for this week was basically a re-editing of the essay which appears below about The MU Informer. I got a call at 9:30 PM on Monday, [...]

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I’ve Had Sex on the Floor of the New York Stock Exchange; or, Sex in the City is, All Things Considered, a Pretty Bad Show

The public is restless. A mob is forming. The masses are gathering axes, bricks, locks, and socks, awaiting my marching orders to begin dismantling this oppressive, exploitative system by any means necessary. Nick Trusty has been whisked away to a silo, the location of which, at press time, is undisclosed.
But for now, the revolution will [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Shines the Light of Justice on Crooked Company; or, I Got My Own Deepthoat

So, today I received an email from an enigmatic email address: muinformer@gmail.com.  I wrestled with whether or not to include the actual address, but I rationalized that there were two possible scenarios:
1) The user of the email address is a routine informer, and regularly uses the account to correspond with investigative reporters.  The address is [...]

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Dan Friesen’s “Reality TV Round-Up;” or, It is Never Right to Punch a Gay Man

Well, folks, there’s been talk of freezing rain in April, and that can only mean one thing. That’s right: it’s time for another one of my famous “Reality TV Round-Ups.”
It’s been a tough week for me after last week’s season finales of both I Love New York and The Hills; my schedule feels empty [...]

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The Vast MSA/BEC/DSA Conspiracy; or, The Trusty Papers, Volume 2

Alright, here is my account of what could have happened the derail my political ambitions last semester.  I had to couch things in bizarre, “hypothetical” language so as to not get in trouble for slander, or something.  I demand a full investigation.
Children, we’ve long known that a stench of cronyism and secrecy has pervaded this [...]

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Dan Friesen Trys To Stick It To A Major Douche, and Accidently Gets Back on The Editors’ Good Side; or, Diss Trusty

It is a day of celebration. I have not been fired from my cushy editorial position. School has returned from Spring Break. I got the new El-P album. Life is good; at least it is for me.
I wish I could say the same for Nick Trusty, a member of MU student government, in the Department [...]

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