In Which Dan Friesen Calls Out A Guy Who Wrote Him Some Hate Mail; or, You’ve Been Frozen, My Friend

So last week I received an extremely late piece of hate mail about my article allegedly bashing agriculture. Here is what Zane from Iowa had to say (only edited to slightly conceal his identity):
“HAHAHAHAHAHA….You are the dumbest piece of shit that I have ever heard of.
When you print your all important articles, they go [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Gives In To Peer Pressure; or, So Tony Snow Can Say It But I Can’t?

I have a reasonable certainty that the editors aren’t going to publish my column for tomorrow’s issue in it’s original state. They already told me they had to cut the tar baby humor. I suggested that they change it to “pitch infant,” but I have my doubts that they’ll go for it. [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Has An Exchange of Words With A Maneater Bigwig; or, MOVE Along

So, the other day, I got an email from the Business Manager of the Maneater, a young lass named Hannah. She had some words for me. The email follows:
“Hey Dan,
I’m the Business Manager at The Maneater and just want to tell you a
few tidbits of info.
-MOVE magazine loses over $500 for the paper [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Finishes What He Started; or, Sometimes My Penis Gets Out of Pocket

(note: I can’t figure out how to post pictures, this is first attempt. I’ll figure it out eventually.)
I completely lost control of that post a while back about VH1 shows. I was trying to explore and seek penance for watching the entire season of The Pick-Up Artist. Though, my [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Makes a Major Life Purchase; or, Ahoy There, DoucheBag

My life will never be the same again. There, in the course of human action, are purchase that come to define a person and their place in life. When you’re ready to settle down and you’re established, you buy a house. When you’re ready to get married, you buy an engagement ring. [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Begins a New Career in Erotica; or, Alicia Smith Jr. Might Be Hard to “Wheelbarrow”

What follows is my column for this week. I felt it prudent to defend myself against potential critique. I understand that it might be a little stale for me to be writing another Alicia Smith Jr. column, but to those who think that, I have to recommend reading her newest column. It [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Commits a Minor Act of Sabotage; or, The OTR Chronicles Chapter 3

I can’t believe it, but that shitty “Off The Record” blog hasn’t deactivated my login information yet.  As much as I would love to screw them over by posting a bunch of nonsensical posts, I know that their editorial process runs at a snail’s pace, and that sabotage would not be effective.
So, I changed the [...]

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In Which Dan Friesen Has Fully Become a Slave to the Two-Title Format; or, The Dan of Love

I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I watched every episode of The Pick-Up Artist, the most recent terrible idea conceived of by VH1.
Truth be told, VH1 has a knack for throwing money at horrible ideas. Just this season, we had Mission Man Band, Rock Life, and more goddamn episodes of Best Week Ever than [...]

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