I recently discovered this video, which I have decided is just about the best thing I’ve ever seen. Now, I realize that I have been a little heavy on songs featured on Yacht Rock, but I just can’t fucking help it. The songs are just too damn good, and these videos are too expertly made. I’ll cut it out after this one.
The one I’m bringing to you today is Kenny Loggins’ “I’m Free,” from the Footloose soundtrack.
If “Yah Mo B There” is the Superman of 80’s music videos, then there is no doubt that “I’m Free” is the Bizarro, though in all fairness, Yah Mo B There is probably more deserving of the bizarro title. Yah Mo B There has no coherent story arc, character development, or message; I’m Free has all three, in spades.
So, our plot goes something like this: Kenny Loggins was in prison, presumably for having such a gay beard, but he has broken out with the assistance of a pair of wire cutters. He hotwires a car sitting outside the prison so he can get back to his ladyfriend (played by a pre-movie about wine Virginia Madsen).
For some reason, at the 1:22 point of the video, Loggins gets out of his car angrily and bangs on the hood. There is no explanation for this behavior, nor is there any explanation for where he got that leather jacket from. Also without explanation: what type of prison this is that has only one layer of security (a chain-link fence) and lets it’s inmates wear ripped jeans and sleeveless shirts.
I would have advised Kenny to stay in his car, because I know what life is like on the mean streets. He’s only out of his car for six seconds before the local gang of ruffians start to encircle him. They seem to be giving him trouble, trying to start a fight, but if you look closely, more than one gang member in the front line of the confrontation is a woman. And they appear to be doing more dancing than fighting.
A crisis is averted however, when Kenny pulls the picture of his lady out of his pocket and explains to the local toughs that he’s just trying to get to his lover. For some reason, the toughs hand the picture around until it gets to a weaselly looking nerd with big glasses (1:48) who looks like he got routinely picked on at school by Clarissa Darling’s little brother. There is a moment where this nerd seems to give Loggins a pass, as if giving him his blessing on his journey of love.
I’ve got a good number of problems with this, but the biggest one is how lame street gangs must have been in the 80’s. This nerd is in charge? This guy who looks like the only thing he sucks more than the pole is the inhaler is calling the shots? I could have been bossalinie back then, I tell you.
Alright, so the gang lets him go, and he makes his way to his lady’s house, where he climbs in her window like Sam climbing in Clarissa Darling’s window (not my most eloquent simile, but certainly my most air-tight). Meanwhile, the cops are starting a manhunt. They’re grabbing guns, they’re putting out an APB: they’re going to get Loggins, damn it.
Loggins sings to his sleeping woman for a while, then wakes her and they run. This is the point of the video that you need to pay the closest attention to, because things start coming fast.
First, the way Loggins is running down the street at the 2:35 point of the video is more mincing than running. It’s like he’s running a campaign for street gang president.
Then, at 2:40, we find what I am comfortable calling the second best facial acting in music video history. Virginia’s dad has found her note saying that she’s run away with Loggins, and he is pissed.
But, she doesn’t really run away. She doesn’t even really bring her stuff. She just goes to see Footloose with her escaped felon boyfriend. I guess that the message is that the movie is just that good.
But a cop spots them, so they have to rush to the top of a building. Everyone knows that’s the only place that you can be safe from the pigs. Tension is growing, it looks like all hope is lost. Virginia’s parents are pleading her to come down, Loggins is pleading her to let him hold her now.
And just when the cops weren’t about to shoot anyone, the (gay) street gang from the beginning of the video comes out of nowhere and overpowers the (heavily armed) police with riot gear. You remember how I said that the dad gave the second best facial performance in history? Well, you’re in luck because number one is in this video too.
At the 3:25 mark, right when the gang has overtaken the police, just watch Loggins’ face. It defies description. It’s like art.
So the little nerd gang leader comes back and shows Loggins and Virginia a back way off the roof, and saves the day. There were of course policemen following them up to the roof, but when they get there and see that they have jumped down 15 feet onto a lower roof at the suggestion of a huge nerd, they just shrug and walk off (3:51).
“Well Herb, I can’t see down there, but after a fall like that, they have got to be dead.”
“I reckon you’re correct about that, Dutch. Treat you to a kebab?”
“There’s nothing else to do here, that sounds delightful. Papa Christo’s or Ulysses Voyage?”
“I always choose, your pick this time.”
“Let’s go with Ulysses Voyage. They have better tzitzaki.”
“Let’s get out of here.”
All in all, most of my complaints are not really about the video as much as they are about the time period. The time period when escaped felons minced down the street, street gangs were led by nerd douches, and riot police could be overtaken by a lightly armed gang who is fighting for love.
And that, I believe, is the powerful message of this video: no matter how gay an 80’s street gang may have been, they still believed in and would fight for heterosexual love. That’s a wonderful tolerant message I think we can all learn something from, even today.
I’m now obsessed with this song. I plan on karaokeing it very soon.
That’s what happens with those fucking songs from Yacht Rock. They’re funny in the context of the episodes, but when you listen to them in their entirety or see their original music videos, you can’t help but hear and feel their true power. Good luck finding that song at a karaoke bar though, I imagine it’s quite rare. Though, Nick and I did go out and sing last weekend, and here are just a few of the tracks sung: Pink’s “U+ Ur Hand,” “Yah Mo B There,” Kenny Loggins’ “This Is It,” The Ides Of March’s “Vehicle,” All American Rejects’ “Move Along,” and many more. It was an epic night. Micah was trying hard to be you though, as he started out doing the remix to Ignition and “The World’s Greatest.” He even started doing the “cold, frost, freeze, ice,” thing that I think is so lame. It took all my persuasive power to get him to sing “Mashed Potato Time,” but I finally happened at the end of the night.
Oh Dan, that last sentence had me in stitches “C’mon Micah, the mashed potato song is totally not gay, you would definitely be a stud if you sang it”, I’ve had some good karaoke times myself as of late. When Micah was in town I did Quiet Riot’s “Cum awn feal da Noize” and Destiny’s Child “Say My Name” to close out the night. I insist on singing every part in that song, so by the end I was gasping and hoarse, but got a hug from a random girl who said I made her night. A couple weeks ago I did another DC “survivor”, Rhianna’s “Umbrella” (brought the house down on that one), Sir McDonald’s “Keep forgettin”, Phil Collins “Invisible touch”, Tom Petty’s “Won’t back down” only using the lyrics “won’t back down” the entire time, Gene Chandler’s “Duke of Earl”, amongst other tunes. Tomorrow I’m going to a bar where a friend bartends where they have live band karaoke, I better make this one epic. The best thing i can say about Yacht Rock is that it took artists that I hate because I only know their hits (Loggins, Doobie brothers) and showed me that their real strengths were in the forgotten gems. I can’t imagine life now without Yah Mo, keep forgettin, and I’m free.
I forgot, Micah also insisted on he and I doing a duet of “Gangsta’s Paradise,” but he only knew the chorus, so i had to do all the rapping. It wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t my first choice for a song to sing.