New Beard, Day 1: Disappointing Stubble

One of the greatest misconceptions the world has about beard-growing is that they think that people who can grow a big beard will have a thick layer of stubble after one day.  They just assume that hairy dudes become hairy without maintenance.  Now this can be true, but it is not universally so.
I don’t grow [...]

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My Column For This Week; or, This Is A Really Unimpressive Set Of Before And After Pics

Welcome back from Spring Break, children. I hope you all had a good time drinking and having anonymous sex at some tropical locale on your parents’ dime. I myself did not take a trip to any island or beach, but I did take a trip to the heart of our indulgent, negligent modern culture.
I spent [...]

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I Can’t Resist Shitting On Award Shows

       I try not to write about really gay things on my blog, but this one was too much to pass up.  Even when I was ten years old, I was way too cool for the Kid’s Choice Awards. Meaningless, non-prestigious award shows are bad enough, but you’ve officially crossed the line when you allow [...]

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How Am I Supposed To Go Back To Class A Day After Receiving News Like This?

I come to you today with terrible news.  In our tumultuous modern times, people often turn to focus on celebrities and their personal lives so they don’t have to pay attention to their own.  Celebrity gossip magazines and blogs thrive, while divorce rates and unwanted pregnancy statistics (and teen STD rates) skyrocket.  Reality TV is [...]

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Dan And Cibi Do Their Best #14; or, Everything Named Cibi Is An Asshole

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In Which Dan Friesen Parts With An Old Friend; or, I Would Have Put A Shirt On, But That Just Wouldn’t Be Fair To The Ladies

In life there are very few things worse than being directly asked a question you don’t know the answer to, but you should.  The worst varieties of these questions are ones about yourself, like when the fuzz asks you where you were at two in the morning last Friday.
As a bearded man, people constantly ask me, [...]

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Dan And Cibi Do Their Best #13; or, Cibi Was An Easy Trick To Flip

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The Basics of Beards Part 2: Celebrity Beards

I think it is important to stop every now and again and acknowledge those people in the media who have great beards.  There aren’t too many of these people, but they are doing their part and working hard to be a shining example of what beards can be, and why people with shitty beards are [...]

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Politics As Unusual; or, “Mercitron” Is A Pretty Awesome Name For A Death Machine

 I’ve never been a political man.  The only thing that’s ever excited me about politics is the similarity between the voices of Barack Obama and that of The Rock.  But now, I believe I have two new heroes in the field of politics.  These men fly in the face of the establishment and accepted convention.  [...]

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Slightly Better Than The Gummi Ice Cream or Gummi Donuts

 Hey Ben, check this out.  That’s me with some Gummi Lunchables.  The cheese on my gummi submarine sandwich was sour apple flavor, which I found slightly off-putting.  Also, the meat was grape flavored.  I thought that was a little much.Swearngin got the Gummi Hot Dog and Fries.  His came with fruit pies and coke bottles. [...]

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