While cruising the internets today, I discovered a video promoting the candidacy of Barack Obama. It was an all-star project, with Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas in the role of the ringleader. I think it was called “We are the Ones.” It was awful.
I’m all for Barack Obama (see previous post about him sounding like The Rock, if you don’t believe me), but I feel that this video is a little much. It is a horrible song, and it’s not even the first one Will.i.am has done about Obama. He had that other one with that other inspirational title that came out a while ago. Please.
But, aesthetic quality complaints aside, there is also the small problem of celebrity selection. The video starts with some chick singing, followed by Jessica Alba complaining about the world her unborn baby is going to be exposed to, then weaves into shots of tons of “celebrities” I don’t recognize. Ryan Phillipe, that other douche from the Peas, that guy from the Pest, that guy from 2 Fast 2 Furious, that guy who punched Carlos Mencia, and Luiz Guzman are the only people that I can pick out of that crowd. I suspect the guy who didn’t play violin in Yellowcard and Malcom Jamaal Warner were in there somewhere.
When you are trying to make a celebrity packed, socially conscious video to affect change, it is very important for you to get top shelf celebrities. Seriously, Will.i.am is a douche, but he is a well-connected douche, a well-connected douche making a video in support of a black democratic candidate for president. He should have been beating celebrities away with a stick, and he should have taken the cream of the crop. It’s just embarrassing how much better the video about Jimmy Kimmel having sex with Ben Affleck was in terms of celebrity cameos.
Really, Will.i.am should have learned a lesson from the All Star Tribute that came out a couple years back. They sang “What’s Going On,” with the goal of ending global AIDS. It worked. Then, after the attacks of 9/11, the All Star Tribute got together to re-release the song, with a new goal: healing our cultural psyche in a time of terror. That worked too.
The reason this video was able to single-handedly end global AIDS and save our country was that the lineup was fucking top notch. Seriously, look at that who’s who of turn of the century celebrities: Bono, P. Diddy, Destiny’s Child, N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, Nas, Nelly, Jermaine Dupri, Nelly Furtado, Ja Rule, and Fred Fucking Durst.
Look at that list. Bono isn’t a musician as much as he is a politically inclined douche. P. Diddy, having failed to make a band after like eight tries, has become a sad joke. One of the girls from Destiny’s Child is making gospel albums. Justin Timberwolf is doing okay, but the rest of the N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys are in the toilet, with that one guy being on Mission Man Band, and Lance not being allowed in space because he’s gay. Nas hasn’t made anything good since Illmatic. Nelly always sounds like he’s singing his verse from “Where The Party At?” Jermaine Dupri has to have sex with Janet Jackson (yikes). Nelly Furtado has sold her soul to Timbaland. And who the hell knows where Ja Rule and Fred Durst are?
Every single person in this video, except for Alicia Keyes and maybe Gwen Stefani, have seen their career go down the crapper real fast. I wonder if Brian from the Backstreet Boys would have gone through with the video had he have known what career trouble was right around the corner. I would bet he would voluntarily infect himself with AIDS to avert the impending disaster.
In honor of Ja Rule and his undeservingly vanishing career, I post this video. This is the remake that was trying to raise money to turn back time and stop the attacks of 9/11. I would post the original, but I wanted to make sure all of you got to take in the eloquent song stylings of Fred Durst. Seriously, it’s one of the best written things I’ve ever heard. In case you fall into a trance from his smooth, hypnotic voice, here’s a trascription:
“Somebody tell me what’s going on
(what’s going on)
We got human beings using humans for a bomb
But everyone wanna live
Don’t nobody really want to die
You feeling me right
I can’t be watching people die
(die)
And watching people cry
Let me break it down for a minute
If there’s enough room here for you and me
There’s plenty of room for some humanity”
You left out Aaron Lewis of Staind in your list of losers, he’s in the very beginning. Diddy and Dupri sure did a lot to help this cause, (Huh, yeah, uh-huh, ha).
That is my bad. The problem as I see it is that they don’t really show him singing, and I don’t really know his voice that well. I did, upon closer inspection, see him hugging Bono. On every viewing up until then, I just assumed he was Irv Gotti, there to pimp out Ja Rule.