Disappointing Novelty Soda Break, Now It’s Back To The Sauce

As I mentioned earlier, I finished my classes today, and I couldn’t quite figure out how to celebrate.  The standard route is to get blindingly drunk and do things for which I would too ashamed to show my face in public the next day, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hold some appeal.  It’s just this damn cold coming on, and as Dr. Vargas was so good to point out in our last comments thread, poverty isn’t helping anything.

I decided that it was time for me to celebrate in the most economical, sensible, and uplifting way I know how.  You guessed it: I decided to fly a kite.  No, no, I would never do that.  I decided to try a new limited edition novelty soda.

I’m always intrigued when I see a new soda, taunting me with the threat that one day soon it won’t exist any longer and I will have never tried it.  This deceitful, evil marketing ploy has gotten me to drink everything from Coke 2 to Pepsi Blue, from Surge to Red Fusion.  I’ll concede that there were a number of winners I have tried and wish they were still around; Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash and Crystal Clear Pepsi come to mind.  Still, I think the batting average is atrocious.

Anyway, on my way home from my final today, I stopped by the local five and dime to get cigarettes, when what should I see staring at me from the soda case but Anne Hathaway.  In honor of her (not Steve Carrell’s, mind you) new movie Get Smart, Sierra Mist has released a special, limited edition “Undercover” soda.

The idea is that it is supposed to be a clear orange soda.  This is a really lame idea.  I liked Crystal Clear Pepsi when it came out because I was eight when it came out, and I didn’t realize that making a brown soda clear was even possible.  Now, sixteen years later, and a little bit wiser, this doesn’t do it for me anymore.

But this lameness is far from the biggest problem with this fizzy water drink.  It’s supposed to be an orange flavored soda, but it appears the good people at Sierra Mist forgot to take out the lemon and lime flavoring of their regular product.  The lemon/lime/orange combo is just too much, most likely because there is too much lemon-lime, and not nearly enough orange.

I think what makes this blend particularly depressing is that the last Sierra Mist offering, the Cranberry Splash, was so great.  It had just the right balance of sierra mist and cranberry flavors.  I’m disappointed, you’ve really dropped the ball, Sierra Mist.  I’m going to need to see you in my office.  And kindly close the door behind you.  Don’t bother with that chair, this won’t take long.  I’m going to have to let you go,