Boy, it looks like I owe someone an apology, and that person is my dear roommate Nicky Gifts. As loyal Friesen Pointers will remember, I made some disparaging comments about his ability to be creative. I said some things that I’m not proud of, and I wish I could take it all back.
You see, the beef I had was that he assigned me a list about beer then the next day assigned me a list about mixed drinks. I felt that he wasn’t challenging me enough, and that there was no range to these lists. I was wrong to doubt Nicky Gifts, I should have known better, because today, he’s assigned me a list that is worlds away from the lists I’ve made in the last two days: Top Five Beverages.
What the fuck? I think Mr. Gifts must be dehydrated or have some sort of mineral deficiency that he’s expressing through these list assignments. Well, these list topics aren’t my choice, and I have to complete the assignments I’m given. So, the first order of business is making this list, the second is getting Nicky Gifts some IV fluids before he goes into cardiac distress. Alright, here it comes, the Top Five Beverages: let’s get it on.
I’m just going to get this out of the way. I’m going to give an honorable mention to booze. I’ve already made two lists about the hooch, so I’m going to keep this list in the non-alcoholic realm. That said, if I didn’t do that, booze would probably be number one.
5) Water
I’m like 85% water. Enough said.
4) Gatorade
Damn, it is just to hard to choose one flavor of Gatorade. I’m big on all the X-Factor flavors, I like the Rain varieties; truth be told, the only flavor I don’t like is the Cherry. That one is shit. Interestingly, though I love Gatorade, I fucking hate Powerade. Gatorade’s flavors are better, and somehow the stuff is smoother.
3) Apple Juice
A surprise entry to the list, apple juice makes the cut. It was a really hard decision to choose between apple and cranberry juice, but in the end, the apple took the glory. I know that apple juice may be seen by some as being a little childish, but I don’t buy into that. I think it’s delicious, and should be drank by all.
2) Milk
I’ve always loved milk, and I hope I always will. I can go through a gallon of milk in a day easily. Chocolate milk is delicious, strawberry milk is pretty damn good, and I don’t care if this is accurate or not, but I’m counting horchata as a variation of milk. You can put it on cereal, you can drink it, and though I would never do it myself, you can put it in your coffee.
1) Coffee
As if there was ever any doubt. Coffee is the greatest beverage ever. It’s delicious and it gives me a buzz. I absolutely hate the assholes who learned a lot about wine because they watched that shitty movie with the guy from Big Fat Liar, but I have to confess that I’m becoming something similar regarding coffee. I can tell the difference between Indonesian and African coffees, and I can even, just by tasting it, tell the difference between brewed and iced coffee. Some people like cream and sugar in their coffee, but I don’t play that game. I like my coffee like I like my women: black and bitter. That’s actually a joke. I like my women white and bitter, like I like my new invention: bittersweet white chocolate.
Nothing beats water… unless it’s an energy drink at 6am. After that, it’s power drinks until evening, when scotch kicks in…
I can’t drink the energy drinks. They all just make me feel like I have to poop when I don’t.
No carbonation?
Have you ever had apple sodas? Goddamn those are tasty.
You know what? That’s a good point, but when I really sat back and thought about it, I don’t really like sodas very much. You bring up a good point with the apple soda though, I didn’t think about that, those are pretty good. I like apple juice a lot, but the only other thing I was thinking about in terms of apples was cider, and I hate that cider. Apple soda was indeed an oversight, but I still defend my putting apple juice on the list.
Horchata actually has no dairy in it, pretty much rice, cinnamon, and almonds, and if I were to make a top five it would be right up there, that stuff is nectar. And Pollo Loco now has it on tap. Nice.
Damn. Had I have known that horchata was not a dairy drink, it probably would have replaced water or apple juice. That stuff is so fucking good. The Mexican Gods on Mount Olympus ate flan and drank horchata.
And they would have played Ace’s Mexican Ranchero Countdown.
But can you cheat if you’re a god?
The way my mom makes horchata, it does have milk. My mom uses half a can of carnation. I love horchata! My mom used to make almost on a daily basis. Good stuff!