As I’m sure all three of you have noticed, I’ve been derelict in my blogging duty lately. I take personal responsibility for my actions, but I feel like I owe you, my dear readers, an explanation; a thorough and frighteningly truthful account of the cause of my absence.
Over the last weekend, my old friend and roommate Nicky Gifts and I got into a little bit of a fight about his commitment to his sacred duty to come up with topics for me to write lists about. I felt that a little time “on the bench” would straighten his head out, and get him back to “his A game.” He felt that the very idea that I would make him “climb all the way to the to the cold and bitter peak of ‘bench mountain’” was insulting. I just felt that part of being a good coach was being big enough to give people constructive criticism. I’ve seen Coach Carter.
Anyway, the plan blew up right in my face. It turns out that Nicky Gifts was wholly opposed to my benching plan, and took it quite in the opposite spirit it was intended. When I told him the news that he and Old Man Bench were going to be spending a lot more quality time together in the near future, he promptly handed in his papers and quit as my list topic assigner, without notice.
As you can imagine, I was devastated by this development, and I tried to deal with it in the only way I knew how, by drinking. After a couple of gin and tonics and a lovely night on the bathroom floor, I didn’t feel all that much better. Part of it was that I drank too much. The other part was that Nicky Gifts forgot to turn off his alarm clock when he went to spend the night at his lady’s house, so I got woke up, laying on the bathroom floor, at 6:30 in the AM, after having gone to bed at around 4:30. I knew I needed something a little more, and I knew it was time for me to have a talk with an old friend, marijuana.
I’ve spent the last four days or so in a stoned stupor trying to get over my loss, the loss of my loyal list topic assigner. Although I still haven’t quite gotten over my loss, I have giggled a lot over the last few days, I’ve run out of weed, and I’ve found myself a new and improved list topic assigner: frequent commenter and my “National Treasure 3: The Return of Kreblacht” script co-writer “Matt.”
Ladies and gentlemen, I expect great things from this new arrangement. Things are back on the track that goes onward and upward.
National Treasure 3: The Legend of Kreblacht’s Gold.
RIP, Nicky Gifts. May you someday rise like a Phoenix.
Able was I, ere I saw Elba.
I know that line is from something.
With the gin and the marijuana, this is the most real post I’ve seen recently. I’ve added it to my memory.
palindrome.
Oh dear! Drugs are never an answer, Dan.
dan, you can’t make a post about how your are going post more frequently and then abruptly go on your longest posting drought.
I admit, Matt, that there is a certain irony in the situation, though to be fair to me, when I wrote this post, I had completely forgotten that this weekend was our friends’ annual float trip. As much as it pained me to be away from my blog, when my friends have a tradition, I follow it. It may not be fun, it may not be profitable, I may have to poo, but mysteriously be unable to throughout the float, but I go along. Where were you, Matt? Where were you, Ben? Sweetbutter? I’m disappointed in all of you.
oh shit, i completely forgot that it was the float weekend! The idea of not being able to attend such a grand tradition caused me to block the whole event from my mind. Dan, I vow to you that I will never miss a float ever again.
And no Ben? I have to say that that is very dissapointing news. Let’s all hope that crain-less and santos-less float trip is nothing more than an abberation.
That aside, how was the float?