Friesen’s Top Five List #41: Dr. Katz Patients Who Were Only In One Episode

I’ve officially run out of viable Top Five List topics.  My dear friend and loyal list topic assigner The Crain Train has not sent me any new topics recently, nor has any of you, my minions.  Yet, my urge, nay my need, to make lists is very active.  Thus, I feel the need to assign myself a list, though it feels a little weird to do so.

I’m nothing if not an expert in the ancient art of list-making, but I’m not the best at coming up with topics about which to make lists.  It’s just not my gift.  However, desperate times call for desperate measures, and today I’m going to have to give myself an assignment.

Today, I’ve chosen a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Top Five Dr. Katz Patients Who Were Only In One Episode.  Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist is possibly my favorite TV show, and is definitely my favorite cartoon.  I own the complete series on DVD and have seen every episode way more than once.  Thus, I feel that I am an absolute authority on the subject of all things Dr. Katz.

Many comedians were on the show numerous times, but there are a choice few who, though very talented, only showed up once.  It’s always been mysterious to me why they would only have such people on once, yet have Kevin Meaney on so much.  The only explanation I can come up with is that they asked these “one-timers” to come back often, but they were too busy.

Whatever the case, here is the definitive list of the Top Five Dr. Katz Patients Who Were Only In One Episode.  Let’s get it on.

(Note: I can’t find pictures of all these people on the show, so instead I have decided to use funny pictures of Katz instead.)

5) Harry Shearer, Episode 5.10- “Feng Shui”

There wasn’t a great deal of therapy going on in this episode, but that’s fine.  The session between Katz and Harry Shearer goes in a different direction, with Shearer confessing that he was an old fan of Katz’s 60’s folk duo “Koppleman & Katz.”  In the session, the names of two of Katz’s books are revealed (by Shearer confessing that he is a big fan of both of them): “The Me No One Knows” and “Learning To Tie Your Inner Shoe.”

4) Al Franken, Episode 4.06- “Sharon Myers”

Again, there’s not much therapy going on between Franken and Katz.  In their session, they spend pretty much all of their time trying to schedule another session, culminating with Franken telling Katz off.

3) Jeff Garlin, Episode 4.11- “Alibi”

Finally, a session that actually involves some bits.  Jeff Garlin spends a lot of time complaining about his grandmother, about how she heckles him at his shows and always introduces his friends to her friends as “Jeff’s boyfriend.”  He also explains that it’s too easy to prank call strangers, so he only prank calls his mom.

2) Bob Odenkirk, Episode 3.03- “Fructose”

Bob Odenkirk explains that he has tried to get into a bunch of street gangs (the Bloods, the Crazy Popes, Thin Lizzy), but none of them are interested in him.  He complains about having bought a Where’s Waldo book on tape (“guy eating food, guy sitting down, Waldo, guy with glasses.”).  Complains that video games are too violent, and he wishes that he could just play a video game where he could walk around and say hi to the bad guys, a video game where everyone is mellow.

1) David Mamet, Episode 3.12- “New Phone System”

As if there was ever any doubt.  David Mamet is perhaps the most unlikely of the patients on Dr. Katz.  He’s not a comedian, he’s not even an actor.  He’s a playwright, yet he manages to pull off some amazing little bits of comedy.  In the session, Katz tries to hypnotize Mamet, but it doesn’t work and Mamet just ends up bored with his foot asleep.  It is revealed that David Mamet got his start in writing greeting cards, his biggest one being “Heard You Died.”

I’ve learned a very valuable lesson by making this list: this was not a good topic to make a list about.  Although this is still a definitive list, it’s really hard for me to explain why a particular patient belongs in the top five, especially if I am to assume you haven’t seen the episode.  All in all, I’m ready to accept that this list did not work out the way I wanted it to.  This all just goes to stress how important it is for someone, preferably Mr. Crain, to send me some list topic assignments.  Please don’t make me write another poorly conceived list.