Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot lie; I am not a fan of body piercing in general. I accept that some people are drawn to body modification, I’m just not one of them. I support everyone’s right to shove metal things through their skin, but I also reserve the right to judge them for it.
Today, I have the distinct pleasure of bringing you a special list from a special guest list assigner. What makes it so special? This is not actually a list of the best piercings as you might expect; instead, it’s a list of the most ridiculous, out of line piercings people actually get. As such, whatever comes in at the #1 spot should not be celebrated, but rather should be a source of shame to whoever may have such a piece of metal in them. What’s so special about the list assigner? Simply put, he’s a medical student (though he still can’t give me any explanation for why my penis fell asleep while I was playing Rock Band the other day). He’s Cibi Arumugam, also known as Cibi bin Arumugam, and today’s list is being made by his special request.
Alright, it’s the Top Five Absurd Body Piercings. Let’s get it on.
Before I start this, I have to say that I can’t post pictures of some of these piercings, as a number of them are genital in nature. I have provided links to pictures of each, but you should only click on the links if you are interested in seeing penises with metal in them.
5) Corset
This is an absurd piercing, and I see no reason to get it, but it only comes in fifth because it doesn’t involve anyone’s penis. But, the fact remains that there is really no reason to pierce your back like that, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a nutjob.
4) Uvula
Again, this one isn’t in a penis, but it’s nonetheless ridiculous. It will never cease to confuse me why someone would put a big piece of metal in such a functional area. That’s where you swallow things! You don’t need something impeding that! I admit that I’m not the world’s best chewer, so perhaps I’m biased, but I can’t imagine anyone having a uvula piercing not choking on something embarrassing, like edible undies or a uvula piercing.
3) Clit
People pierce their clits! Can you fucking believe that? It’s the most sensitive part of a woman’s body (or so I’m told) and the source of great pleasure (again, so I’m told), and how do some people repay the clit for all the pleasure? They stick a piece of metal through it. Doesn’t seem fair. Plus, this one really hits me on a personal level. One of my favorite sexual acts is going down on a lady (hear that, ladies?), and there are few things I would be less interested in doing while I’m going downstairs than chew on a little piece of metal. Come on ladies, leave your vaginas alone. And for Christ’s sake, stop it with all the shaving. If your man has a problem with you having a few pubes, maybe he’s not the man for you. There’s nothing wrong with a little bush, and anyone who tells you otherwise is making a great case for themselves for my upcoming Top Five Huge Homos list.
2) Apadravya
And, say hello to a pierced penis. The Apadravya is a vertical bar that goes through the head of one’s penis. I don’t really think this one needs any further explanation.
1) Guiche
As if there was ever any doubt. Who in their right mind puts a ring through their taint? I can say with a reasonable amount of certainty that no one has ever seen my taint, even ladies with whom I’ve been in long-term relationships. The taint piercing can’t be a decorative thing, because, really, there’s nothing you can do to make your taint look presentable. So is it for pleasure? I can only imagine what kind of a rash I would get walking around with a piece of metal between my thighs. And, I know I’m not the only one who sweats from his gooch, so my taint piercing would be in serious danger of rusting. Pleasure seems to be out as a motive, which just leaves us with WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PIERCE YOUR TAINT? Come on, people. Get your shit together and stop shoving metal through your taints. It’s a big world, but not that big. Oh, I almost forgot. It takes between 4 and 8 months to completely heal from getting your taint pierced. Two months with a healing taint! Can you call in to work, telling them that your taint piercing is healing and you need your bed rest? I think not.
Wow. I’m almost speechless. But not completely. My most favorite thing from working with young people on drugs was when they would have some horrific scar on their eyebrow where someone had ripped out their piercing. That mostly happened to the girls because they don’t know how to fight, even when they’re tough enough to get the ol’ eyebrow hole.
Oh my God. This list is spot on. Anyone who pierces a piece of their body that does anything besides dangles is a moron.
I wonder how many hits “Those Calvin Bumperstickers” brings in …
Some piercings are more absurd than others, it’s true. A famous motto of piercing enthusiasts (of which I’m one) is, “If it protrudes, pierce it.” Piercing isn’t for everyone, so I’ll just offer a few comments from a knowledgeable viewpoint:
Corset piercings are temporary, and they are for fun, for effect, and for special occasions. They can be very beautiful! Uvula piercings are pretty absurd. Very few women actually pierce their clitoris, both because not everyone is built for it, and because of the fear of losing sensation in that area–it’s far more widespread to pierce the hood which covers it. The apadravya is an ancient piercing, and very common, and a single piercing through the penis is tame, believe me, to what men have been known to do to their anatomy. Finally, a guiche is a piercing that not everyone is suited for, but I feel kind of sorry for anyone who does not explore all the bits and pieces of one’s body that can give so much pleasure.
The corset piercings and the uvula I don’t find absurd at all. I’ve actually thought about getting both of those. The corset piercings are “play piercings” and are not ment to be permanent. So I wouldn’t get them because they’re expensive and are ment to be taken out and I don’t want to spend money for something that’s temporary, but the uvula piercing is still something im thinking about. The rest of them are over the top. I can say if I was a dude i’d probably get my cock pierced, but as a chick nope, you’re not coming near my vagina with a needle. aha I think a vaginal piercing says something negative about you. Cough cough, you’re a slut, cough. Guys are different, though. If you want your dick pierced it’s alright, but a vaginal piercing isn’t cool. It’s just the way it is. Anyone who disagrees, that’s fine. It’s my opinion! :]
Wow, talk about a double standard! It’s okay for males to have pierced genitals, but not females?
Further, vaginas are never pierced–there’s nothing to pierce. Clitoral hoods, and inner and out labias are the most common female genital piercings.
Piercing one’s genitals does not infer sluthood, no matter what sex you are, but it can enhance sexuality and pride in our bodies. Our culture does not embrace genital pride, particularly for females, and it’s a shame.
[...] just ran across a comment on another blog post (Absurd Body Piercings) which has me shaking my head: I think a vaginal piercing says something negative about you. Cough [...]
I am a big fan of piercings in general and love to see even more extreme mods; hell I think suspensions are awesome and a wonderful experience… that said, i still cringe at the thought of the winners of your top two spots there.
“Hanging from meat hooks sure why not I’m in… Genital piercing; get the hell away from me w/ that needle!” lol.
Everything else is fair game, but I will never pierce my dangley parts.